THE LATEST AND GREATEST...IN SEX!

by Ted Lerner

(Philadelphia)--When you hear the words �trade show,� the picture that probably first comes to your mind is that of enthusiastic entrepreneurs gathered inside a large hall and discussing serious business. Say �trade show,� and you see manufacturers and sellers displaying the latest innovations and the newest and hottest products in their particular field with big time buyers traipsing wide hallways perusing and perhaps ordering those latest, newest and hottest products.

Most people probably associate trade shows with industries like computers, electronics, furniture, travel, engineering and construction, fashion and housewares. Interesting, perhaps, but you'd really have to be involved in that particular business to get a serious rise out of those kinds of trade shows.

I recently attended a trade show in the United States, however, that would unquestionably get a rise out of anyone who walked through the doors, no matter their line of business. The organization that held the trade show is called SASI. SASI is an acronym for Sensual Apparel Show International. Sensual apparel meaning lingerie, adult toys and novelties. In other words, the SASI show offered the latest, the newest and the hottest products in the business of sex.

Now while I enjoy man's favorite pastime as much as anyone, I have not decided to go into this business. Not yet, anyway. The reason I ended up cruising up and down the wide halls of the SASI show was because I have a friend who works as an account executive for a company that organizes trade shows. He just happened to get tapped to organize the SASI show. I happened to be in Atlantic City, New Jersey to attend a professional boxing show. I called him up to say hello and he invited me over to the New Atlantic City Convention Center to see him. He also mentioned the show.

�I think you'll like this one Ted,� Steve told me with a laugh. When I got to the convention center Steve was kind of busy so he brought me into the hall where the show was being held and told me he'd see me later.

Like many trade shows, the SASI show was not open to the general public. You have to be in the business to attend. However, I found out later that anyone with a business card can present themselves at the front desk and get a pass.

I walked into the giant exhibit hall and stopped for a moment to check out the landscape, which consisted of about 40 to 50 booths sectioned off by white curtains. It was not quite noon and the crowds were thin. Several people walked up and down the bright, purple carpet lined walkways. Some sat at various booths paging through catalogues. The quiet air of business being transacted permeated the atmosphere.

At the first booth I came across, I was greeted by a nearly naked woman with big, beautiful, uhhh�..teeth. Yes she had a big, beautiful smile. That's it. She was the greeter and other than the smile, she wore, well, not much else. She was perhaps in her early twenties, tall with dirty blond hair. She wore a tiny little bib around her neck that barely covered the front of her breasts. Her bottom extremities were adorned�to say covered would be pushing it a bit--with a string thong panty that bore a close resemblance to dental floss. She wore high heel pumps that were so tall, her legs resembled California redwood trees. I stopped to have a look. At her booth, of course.

�Hi welcome to our booth,� she said with that wide smile. �We specialize in all kinds of adult videos, games and novelties. Feel free to look around. If you have any questions please let me know.� Oh you don't have to worry about that, I said to myself as I told her thank you and began perusing her merchandise, rather her company's merchandise.

On one shelf sat dozens of adult videos. The subject matter ran from tame stuff like sensual massage, to sexual positions to out and out hard core pornography. In another section sat various kinds of lotions, lubes, potions and capsules all designed and guaranteed to drive you and your partner into a sexual frenzy. There were gels to fill every possible orifice the Lord gave the human body, old potions of lore like Spanish Fly and Yohimbe Fuel, tubes of "Prolonging Cream" and even capsules called �Activate Her.�

Then something caught my eye. On the shelves behind the videos, several dozen giant rubber and plastic phalli jutted into the air. There were various models for sale, ranging in size from medium to extra. extra large and including ones that operated on batteries and quivered and vibrated at different speeds. In the trade, the battery operated ones are called �sexual power tools.� I wanted to ask the nearly naked girl what size batteries were needed to operate the extra, extra large model, but I couldn't bring myself to utter a word. I was too stunned.

Not that I hadn't seen any of this before. Shops selling adults gifts like lingerie, toys and sex novelties are quite common in many towns and cities throughout America. They offer a nice distraction for thirty minutes and, anyway, you can, if you need to, buy some interesting gifts for your lady, your man or whomever.

This, however, was a little bit different. This wasn't a shop in a mall. This was a trade show. This wasn't about titillation. This was about business. How could anyone discuss serious business, I wondered, when the item in question is a lifelike reproduction of some male porn star's tool and the person taking the order is nearly naked?

�Yes, I'd like to place an order for the entire "Stud Series" collection. 24 dozen. Can you ship the order right away? Thank you.�

Anyway, my sudden speechlessness didn't stop me from checking it all out. I figured I might as well get updated on the latest, the hottest, the newest in the sex trade. And heck, I figured if I could get a good deal on a line of, say, flavored condoms, there might be some money in it And so I lingered for a little while longer in the booth, perusing the merchandise.

Evidently, the big things in adult toys this year are, well, real and big. Manufacturers have taken to casting molds of popular porn stars' assets and selling life like reproductions. One brand touted its phalli as being made from the "Real Cast" (trademark) method. On top of this, recent scientific advances have made it possible to make these lifelike reproductions out of space age, revolutionary rubbers and polymers that make them feel �better than real!� Better than real??!! Ahhh what wonderful pleasures modern science has delivered to the human race!

Apparently the same space age materials are being used on the imitation, life-size love dolls that have been a staple of the swinging set for decades. In the past, though, these dolls resembled something close to a balloon. Now, however, using the revolutionary materials, the love dolls are much more lifelike. Some even vibrate, while others come already kneeling.

You say you're bored? Well now you can crush boredom by spending your evenings at home entertaining with �April the Bra Buster.� Or how about the �Talking Lora the Love Doll.� Or the �I'm your teenage sweetie� doll. If you fancy a well endowed man, there's the �Big John Doll,� or the �Black Stud.�

At this point I figured I better move on to another booth for fear that I would have to soon start talking business with the girl.

�Thank you very much,� I said as I grabbed a catalogue off the table.

�Oh you're welcome,� she said with that wide grin.

As I stepped out onto the carpeted aisle, a black guy walked by wearing a g-string and a see through mesh top. He was talking in an effeminate way to a clothed man and he was laughing. I began to walk slowly down the aisle, checking out the booths. About every third booth had a young female greeter standing out front wearing a see through negligee, miniscule bikini or studded leather. One booth had about 20 outrageously kinky swimsuits wrapped on mannequins while a pretty boy sat at the table discussing business with a man and woman. The hips on these suits were cut as high as your neck and the bras pushed up the boobs so high you could easily stack an entire set of the Encyclopedia Britanica on top.

Another booth sold exotic shoes, mostly loud colored pumps so tall you might kill yourself if you fell off. At another booth a young guy with long hair was selling kinky greeting cards. Other booths were displaying ultra sexy dresses and lingerie that leave very little to the imagination.

Most of the booths had one or two customers inside inquiring about products, paging through catalogues or simply chatting with the owners. A very typical business environment in every aspect. Except one, I kept reminding myself. This show was all about the business of sex.

It dawned on me that one of the businesses this show serviced was the business of stripping. Taking your clothes off for money is one of America's hot growth industries. The brightly colored feathers, the outrageous swimsuits, the tall pumps indicated this trade show catered heavily to that industry.

Inside one booth that specialized in leather, a mostly naked blonde amazon kneeled on the floor and was in the process of strapping herself into a leather bustier, while several potential customers watched intently. On display was everything for those looking for some good wholesome family entertainment such as hoods, masks, whips, chains, chokers, cuffs, studs, clamps, vices and truncheons.

I stopped for a moment in the aisle and watched the man and woman taking in the demonstration. They were a semi-elderly couple, almost plain in appearance, the kind of people you might see in church on any given Sunday. Yet here they were taking in a demonstration of the latest in bondage. I tried to imagine the very business-like conversation taking place between them and the middle aged salesman.

�Leather is big this year,� the salesman says enthusiastically �The return on things like cuffs, hoods, gags and studded paddles is huge. And we're expecting a big year with dog collars."

�Ok great. We'd like to order two dozen dog collars, studded kind, please. And how soon can you ship?�

Over at one small booth I found an older couple selling sex toys and novelties like flavored condoms and edible panties.

�The lady running the booth went to the bathroom,� the man said. �We're just friends of hers. I sell cars for a livin'.� He laughed.

�I bet you'd like to get into this business?� I said.

�Oh yeh,� he said looking across the aisle at the young greeter wearing slutty lingerie welcoming people to her booth. �It sure beats the hell outta sellin' cars. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!� Indeed. As I laughed with him I perused the merchandise. The wide selection ran the gamut of silly erotica; flavored condoms, edible panties all in a slew of flavors like wild strawberry, passion fruit, pina colada and lemon lime, and cheap sex toys and gags. You remember the Pet Rock? Now there is the Pet �well, you can figure it out can't you? (hint; it rhymes with rock). There gadgets that glow in the dark; the Oriental Love Kit which offers �forbidden fantasies from the Far East;� travel kits so you can take your depravity on the road with you; penis shaped lighters and key chains, the �Pecker Pacifier,� boxes of pasta shaped like breasts, even trays for the freezer that will give you phallic ice. Just what every drink needs!! I even saw something called a Pocket Pal. As the name says, you carry it in your pocket and it gets you off while you're stuck in another traffic snarl.

Just as I was marveling at the highly creative language used in the sex industry, the booth's owner returned. She was a goofy looking, skinny lady in her 40's with glasses.

�Tell me,� I asked her. �What's the deal on these edible panties? You mean you wear them all day and then you're lover is supposed to eat them? Don't they get kind of dirty.�

�Well, you're not supposed to wear them all day,� she said laughing.

�What exactly are they made of?�

�Some kind of gelatin.

�Are they popular?�

�Oh yes, they're one of my best sellers.� I took her business card, thanked her and left. After nearly one hour of cruising the aisles, I had seen and studied most of the booths. I now had a bag full of catalogues, brochures, price lists and business cards, clearly giving me a leg up on the competition if I ever decided I wanted to get into this business.

As I exited the exhibit hall, that thought had me feeling good. I mean, if things ever get really bad, I thought to myself, at least I now had a line on some cheap flavored condoms and edible panties. And how about those new life-like love dolls? Heck, with Super Shirley the Party Gal in my briefcase, I might just get rich!

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